


A Letter For Moonbeam

by TheSchubita



Category: Original Work
Genre: 2 swearwords, Gen, Original work - Freeform, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 02:12:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9695219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSchubita/pseuds/TheSchubita
Summary: This is simply a therapeutic piece I've done mostly for myself. I kept it vague that the person it concerns will likely never find out, or at least, no one else know its about them.





	

This is the last goodbye to you, my Moonbeam. I know you’ve moved on with your life a good while ago. I have the bad habit to cling to things, to feelings, to people. But to you, I will not cling anymore. (I can’t). First of all, and you know that, I loved you so much. Not that flowery, romantic, gooey lovey-dovey crap, but real, soul-deep love. I would have burned the world for you. And I think you loved me too. Perhaps not as much as I did, but still. 

I forgot how fickle you are, though. All your stories you told me, what it is like to be you, have been the truth. I know you didn’t lie to me. But then again, you are very selective about your truths, aren’t you? You have a gift to spin everything to your favour, while never revealing too much about yourself. 

I admit, perhaps I was just a little bit too obsessed with you, because you have given much to me. But looking back, our relationship wasn’t healthy, and it wasn’t equal. I remember you telling me you wanted to hold my hand should I ever give birth. I remember you telling me how interesting I was (and that’s exactly how to get me hooked). How you told me things I was sure you’ve never told anyone else.

And yet, here I am, still brooding over something that happened a good long while ago. I wish I could say I hate you, but I won’t lie to myself. I do resent you though, and what you did. I told others I wished you all the best. That’s still true, but I want you far away from me. Also, I might be tempted to punch you in the face should I see you again. 

And it’s not even for what you did, in the first place, but how you treated me after – as if nothing had changed. But what you did rearranged things; or rather, it should have. But you couldn’t let it. And you clung to what was Before, when Before was no longer available. 

And then, then you were angry, because I became frustrated. Perhaps this is my own fault. After all, I let you dictate much of our lives. I was most likely too understanding, too accommodating. It’s alright. We’re both human, after all.

And so what if you blocked me just like that, after I threw one little hissy fit? So fucking what? It’s not like it was the cowards way out – oh wait. It was. I never liked facing conflicts, but you run from them as if the devil was after you. The thing I resent most about you today, is that I never got to say “fuck you”. Because you never gave me a chance to do so. You just blocked me quietly out and never even had the balls to say “bye”. 

The sad thing is, I still miss you. I don’t love you like that anymore – but I could, if I’d meet you under different circumstances. I can still hear you say “we’ll grow old together”. I mean, what are a few years apart, in the grand scheme of things?

But no. If I did that, I think I would resent myself forever. And since you left, I worked hard to get my self-esteem back. I like myself again, and I never did when you were in my life. 

This is a thing you don’t know: I daydreamed often about saving you from those people and that short-sightedness of yours. I can’t, I know that. I hope one day you’ll learn to stand up for yourself and what you want, and that you’ll like yourself as well.

There are a few things I’ll always remember from you, that will stay a long time. Like the color of your eyes, the songs we sung together, your soft hands. But your voice has already begun to fade; I don’t remember clearly how your laughter sounds. I have a hard time recalling other important people in your life.

I do have one thought that comforts me: you remember a version of me that is no longer accurate. I have changed since. And now, I know it was good that we drifted apart and you detached yourself completely. I couldn’t have grown the way I did. I wouldn’t have met the people I did meet. There are lots of steps I took since you left. I am proud of these steps. And I am glad you weren’t there to see them. They do not belong to you. Perhaps it’s petty, but you’re stuck with this girl I’m not anymore. You’ll never get to experience what I am like now, and what I’ll be.

I’ve written so many letters in my head to you. So many words you’ll never hear, so many words even I have already forgotten. This letter is goodbye for you, and a promise to me: I will move on. It will probably be decades before I don’t think of you at all, but from today on, I will make another step towards whatever may come, and away from you.

I love you and you can go fuck yourself and I resent you and I wish you all the best. 

Bye, Ana.


End file.
